The Adventure of Two Runaways
by litfratbrat
Summary: Yet another TwinMistakenForBoyWhoLivedHarryRunsAway plotline, just with more pop culture references. Hopefully written better than some of the ones I have read recently. Give it a whirl, I'm sure it will entertain us all.
1. Potter, Harry

Summary: Yet another Twin-Mistaken-For-Boy-Who-Lived-Harry-Runs-Away plotline, hopefully written better than some of the ones I have read recently. Give it a whirl, I'm sure it will entertain us all.

"You've got to go back." Jo informed him, tossing the newspaper onto the table between them. The front page article was a picture of Allen Potter, in all his grinning glory, headline "You-Know-Who Back! Can Boy-Who-Lived Save Us All?"

"Not. Bloody. Likely." Harry growled, eyes flashing over the rim of his coffee mug at his long time friend.

"You-Know-Who is back. There's no avoiding your destiny now, mate. You're fucked, utterly and completely." Jo said before letting out a cackle, leaning his head back from the force of it.

"I don't find my being completely fucked very funny, Joseph," Harry said, putting full emphasis on the older boys full name. Jo gave him a scandalized look.

"Whatever, "Harold". Sounds like a damn bloated pig." Jo chuckled.

"Either way, I'm not going back to Wizarding London just to kill some bastard that couldn't even manage to off me as a baby, and be forced to have a big happy family reunion with my loving, caring parents." Harry added as an afterthought, as his parents were rarely on the forefront of his mind.

"You talk like your bloody 40 or something. You're only 16, mate, live a little! Go back, spit on your parents face, off the bad guy, pick up a few girls, and then stroll right out again! Its like killing six birds with one stone!" Jo said enthusiastically, slamming his mug down on the table, causing the liquid to slosh out a bit at the top.

"You've had a bit too much to drink, Friend." Harry said dangerously. "You know how I feel about those people. Killing the bad guy and picking up a few girls doesn't exactly outweigh having to see them."

"What if they're really pretty girls?" Jo said tauntingly.

"Bugger off," Harry grumbled good naturedly before leaning back in his seat, considering his options. Fuck it, what did he have to loose? "Alright, I'll go."

_"And do be careful of Professor Snape, Allen. He hates Potters." Lily informed Allen Potter, patting him on the head. _

_"Ill be fine, Mum. No one will let him push me around." Allen said, puffing up and pulling at his trunk._

_"Seriously guys, thanks for your advise, I'll be sure to watch out for the meanest teacher at Hogwarts!" Harry said loudly and sarcastically, calling attention to the fact that his family hadn't spoken to him since his father barked at him to comb his hair that morning, ignoring his mothers annoyed look. _

"Change your underwear every day--" Allen groaned.

Harry walked away from his parents and sibling, boarding the train early with a bit of help from a black boy, who soon waved over redheaded twins in order to show them his spider.

Allen boarded the train soon after, and Harry, after buying nearly the entire cartload of sweets and packing them into his trunk, removed himself from his seat and walked up to the conductors box. The man was sleeping, since he was only there incase the magic went wrong with the train. Harry poked the man in the shoulder, forcing him awake.

"Wha issit?" The man grumbled, sitting up.

"I'm going to jump off this train and escape before we ever reach Hogwarts." Harry informed him swiftly. "The train stops automatically, sensing that a passenger has been left behind. I need you to change to passenger count down by one person."

"An wha's in it for me?" The conductor asked, sitting up straight.

"My not destroying you," Harry said holding his wand very close to the mans puffy temple.

"Right." He leaned over and set the counter to one less student. Harry nodded and, gathering up his trunk, tossed himself out the conductors door.

He hit the grassy hillside sharply, and immediately released his trunk, praying it would arrive before he did, and rolled down the steep hill.

"Ooof." Harry said once he had rolled to a stop. He sat up and adjusted his glasses, taking a look around. His trunk was several yards away to the north. The Hogwarts Express passed on by loudly, in all its scarlet glory.

"Oy! You there!" A voice to his left caught his attention. Not even four feet from him stood a short, thin boy around his age with thick brown hair and hazel eyes. The boy had a stick with a bundle tied to the end. "You just jumped off the bloody Hogwarts Express!"

"How very 1930's Hobo of you," Harry commented, gesturing to the stick and bundle with a jerk of his head.

"That was brilliant!" The boy exclaimed, jogging up to meet him. "I'm Jo, by the way."

"Harry," He introduced, shaking the boys partially gloved hand. "Why are you out here in the middle of no where?"

"Ah, well, I'm runin' away. Have been for about three years now. I come down to the tracks every year to watch the Express go by. Tried to sneak on it once, but it stopped when I boarded and they threw me off." Jo said with a little shrug.

"I'm running away, too." Harry volunteered the information.

"How come?" Jo asked, plopping down on the grass next to where Harry sat.

"Shitty family." He informed the boy curtly.

"Me, as well. Ever since me mum died I don't see much point in hangin' around. Hate the farm work." Jo said. "Say, you wouldn't have anything to eat, would you?"

**Hogwarts, some hours later.**

"Potter, Allen,"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Potter, Harry,"

"Potter, Harry?"

End Chapter One  
Reviews are encouraging.


	2. Dee?

Disclaimer: Forgot this last chapter. I don't own anything, please don't sue me, etc etc.

Chapter Two.

"So, what do you think we'll need?" Harry asked, leaning against the trunk of their beat up car, which had been threw more spats than the car would care to remember.

"A shave if we're going to pick up girls," Jo murmured, rubbing a hand over the stubble that had formed in the past few days.

"Ho Ho Ho. I meant about offing Voldemort." Harry said.

"I think The Box would be in order, to make sure his soul can't get anywhere after we've killed the body." Jo murmured, digging threw their weapons trunk. "Something muggle he wouldn't suspect, since I don't think we're going to be beheading him with a cutting curse."

"Battle Ax?" Harry suggested, holding it up limply for scrutiny.

"I thought after the Arcaen Demon incident, we decided that we shouldn't use that against anything shorter than six feet again," Jo reminded pointedly, and Harry nodded in agreement. "Plus, too Xena for my taste."

"Scythe?" Harry asked, holding up a scythe.

"The one from that Reaper in Indiana or the one from the specialty shop in Canada?" Jo asked with a frown.

"Which one do _you_ think?" Harry asked, annoyed.

"The one..from the...Reaper?" Jo suggested hesitantly.

"Is that a question or an answer?" Harry said pointedly.

"You sound just like Mr. Alden!" Jo exclaimed, bursting into laughter. When the chuckles subsided and his black haired friends look remained, he sighed and murmured: "An answer."

"I thought so. So, scythe, The Box... Some explosives?" Harry suggested, opening the wooden box that had the words "DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET TOO WARM OR WET, YOU SHIT HEADS" stamped on the top in red lettering.

"It depends. Something small to care of the minions, and maybe when we're leaving we can toss something big in there and blow up the entire strong hold, for good measure." Jo said, and Harry nodded and collected the explosives they would most likely need.

"Better overkill than underkill," Harry quoted, and then slammed their trunk shut. "Where did we buy the car?"

"Liverpool." Jo recalled, climbing into the front seat. "And once we're there we can locate threw some kind of tracking device where he is, and drive the rest of the way."

Harry nodded his approval and climbed into the passenger seat of their car.

The car was more expensive than regular muggle ones, because once it had gone to a place, you could program it to go back, much like apparating. But as they had bought it in Liverpool and had taken it to America immediately after, they would actually have to drive around to Voldemort's lair.

Harry twisted a few knobs experimentally, and they pulled at a red button. The car made a noise that closely resembled a buzz of electricity, and Harry fought to keep his steel watch on his wrist, since the cars roof had become magnetized. "First stop, Hogwarts."

Jo pressed the petal to the floor and they sped off at 76 mph down the empty highway road. a few seconds later, the casual observer may have observed a yellow 1967 Ford Fairlane silently blink out of existence.

They jolted to a stop sometime later on a long, dusty, empty road.

"Magic travel makes me hungry," Harry complained good-naturedly, pulling the mirror down and examining his now standing up hair and trying to force it down again. "Its times like these that I'm glad we opted to not buy the talking mirrors."

"All talking mirrors hate you. I believe they called your mother a whore, and said that you had less brain cells than the minister." Jo put in, turning the car off. His hair was cut a bit shorter than Harry's and didn't have much problem keeping it down after car transports.

"Well they were right about one thing," Harry muttered darkly.

"Harry," Jo said warningly. "Have some self esteem! Even a small non-magical mammal has more brain cells than the minister!" At Harry's look he sighed. "You shouldn't call your mother a whore, not even if she were the best known hooker in Vegas."

"I'm going to get a giant spider to bite your head off," Harry said slowly.

"Don't joke about that sort of thing, Harry!" Jo exclaimed, turning green. "You remember those things, the ones in Wisconsin? Nearly took my foot off!"

"Let's just head to Hogwarts already. We need the headmaster on our side, he has invaluable resources." Harry said as they walked down the sidewalk to the local convienence store to search for a decent map.

"What sort of impression shall we make on him?" Jo asked, flipping threw maps.

"Well, from my time with him at the Potters, I knew him to be nice. At least, he was to me. Smiled, pet my head, asked me how I was. A bit manipulative. Really eccentric." Harry pulled out a map, of England and surrounding countries, including Scottland.

"Eccentric?" Jo repeated, grinning from ear to ear.

**Hogwarts, a few hours later**

"So the prophecy says I've got to defeat him or he'll kill me?" Allen asked of Dumbledore, horrified. Dumbledore nodded, and Lily burst into tears.

"Although, he hasn't been 'marked' in any way,." Dumbledore said, a bit hesitantly. "We may be wrong. But Allen is our most likely choice, as Neville Longbottom does not fit the description."

"Harry had a scar. Lightening shaped, on his forehead." Sirius Black murmured as he leaned over the exact words of the prophecy, studying them closely. James puffed indignantly.

"You aren't suggesting that that ungrateful brat--" James began.

"Dont. Call. Harry. A. Brat." Sirius growled threw barred teeth, getting an inch from James's face. Sirius had liked Harry (all the Maureders did, the exception being James, though they'd never admit it) more than Allen, and was crushed when the smirking, smartass child disappeared off the train on his way to Hogwarts five years ago.

"I'll call the whelp whatever I like. Do you realize what he has put this family threw? He's dead to me!" James shouted. "Dead like Peter--" James was forced to dodge the blow as Sirius attempted to deck him.

A light knock on the door interrupted their brawl. Dumbledore frowned, it being two weeks since the school year ended, and all teachers directed not to disturb this meeting.

"Who is it?" Dumbledore called.

"Dee Snider!" A voice replied.

"Who?" Dumbledore asked in confusion, and suddenly the door opened.

"We're not gonna take IT! No! We aint gonna take it!" Two singing young men burst threw the door, playing the air guitar. The brown haired one put on a high pitched voice.

"Oh, Dee! I love you're hair!" He gushed.

The black haired boy frowned, and then pretended to punch the brown haired boy in the jaw. The other boy flew threw the air dramatically, and then rubbed his jaw in an exaggerated motion of pain. "When did Dee Snider become Steven Segal?"

"Its not that far of a stretch, Jo." He put in, pulling the other boy up.

"Yes, yes it is, Harry. I mean, Steven Segal is a killing machine. The most damage Snider has ever done was with his pyrotechnics." Jo put in, brushing off his pants. Sirius made the connection first.

"Harry!" He asked, and then rushed in to hug the boy tightly. Jo cackled a few feet away.

"Jesus, Harry, when's the last time you got hugged?" Jo asked, slapping his thigh.

"Christmas Party, two and a half years ago, a very drunk Patricia Martin," Harry recited as Sirius released him.

"Hugging drunk girls, that's m'boy!" Sirius declared. Jo leapt forward.

"I'm Jo. Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Black. You're the only family member Harry ever mentions!" Jo said, shaking Sirius's hand vigorously.

"Harry?" Lily finally squeeked before fainting.

"Harry!" Allen asked in shock.

"HARRY!" James growled.

"Yes, that's me. Harry Potter, resident disappointment. I've got business cards if you'd like to see them." Harry quipped, surprised at how he felt no anger or hatred at seeing these people again.

"We've come to suck your blood!" Jo supplied. At their blank looks, he continued: "Or defeat your Dark Lord. Whichever."

End

review are encouraging


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